Picture Post:Disneyland Day 1

Woke up to this heart warming sight.

Yes we are matching...again.  

Our pocket full of fast passes keep us out of those pesky long lines.  Cancer does have it's perks.

Ended our night with a spin in the tea cups.  We are exhausted!  Wait until you see tomorrow's outfit!

Our first Day.

I know that it has been a while since I have blogged.  I am flattered by all the messages I have recieved telling me that you missed my weekly updates.  I am still baffeled that a single person reads these things let alone thousands.  It has made me feel mighty when my body was so weak.  My army.  I needed a break.  Some time to be alone with my thoughts and away from them too.  This week will make up for it.  I want to take a moment each night and reacap our day, mostly for my memories but I also know that those of you who helped us get here are just as excited (if not more!) so feel free to follow us on our "We kicked Cancers Ass, Dream Vacation"

Saturday morning before we left I attempted to have a yard sale.  Cause' ya know, Im nuts.  We wound up getting rained out pretty early on but not before I was able to pocket a couple hundred bucks.  We were able to borrow grandmas minivan which made for a very cozy ride.  Ive always sworn that I'd never own a minivan but after some time in this bad boy, I gotta say...I'm kinda digging it!  When we got in the car I began my speach.  Through some tears, I told each one of my babies how thankful I was for taking such good care of me this year, for being patient, for being brave, and for being my reason to fight.  We talked about how different our life is going to be and that this moment was the first step to a life lived fully.

I spent the last couple weeks making road sign bingo, pipe cleaner creation contest, car scavenger hunts, licence plate map contests, ect!  I was fully prepared to make our ride loads of fun.  After 7 hours, one stop at Denny's, and a couple "are we there yets?"  We made it to our hotel in Carlsbad, Ca.  We decided to go watch the sunset at the ocean and that is where I let myself just cry.  Reflecting on my year, but mostly just how overwhelmed with gratitude I am.  For a while we were all just quiet and still.  It was a beautiful moment.  Then we grabbed some Chinese take-out and ate noodles in bed.  

We woke up vibrating with aticipation about our first day of actual vacation.  We got to Legoland early and took full advantage of our time.  Riding most of the rides, eating lots of churros, and building until our hearts content.  It was a great day!!  We stayed until closing and then headed to our room at the Paradise Pier in Dinseyland.  When we got here we were surprised to see a big banner on our door.  Our room was filled with so many goodies!  Huge stuffed Mickey, MIni, and all their friends.  Candeis, toys, balloons, sweet notes, galore!  My mom had our room filled to the max with the most thoughtful of gifts.  Surprises at every corner.  So beautiful and specail.  I had another good cry, I think I'll be having lots of those here.  After all, its been a long time coming.

Good night!  We have a massive Lego to build and a big day at Disney tomorrow!

I'm Home.

It finally feels like it's supposed to.  Like I am releasing the pause button and starting where I left off a year ago.  I am living.  Really, living.  Exceptionally, authentically, and so much more aware.  I am in every moment. Present.  I owe that to cancer.

After spending a year in bed, I was over the moon to feel well enough to throw my daughter a birthday party.  I did have to push it back a couple weeks to revolve around my chemo and allow my body to heal a little more from radiation.  But that didn't stop my hot glue gun and I from going all sorts of "Peppa Pig" crazy, spending weeks of late nights hand making all of the decorations.  I loved every second of planning it, completely reveled in it.  I have missed being a mom more then any other thing.  I don't know how many more birthdays I get to spend with my children, I guess none of us do.  I know that I have this one and that alone is cause for celebration.  For the first time, I got to entertain in our "new" home.  I wasn't in pain, I wasn't sick, and I wasn't faking my way through it.  Just transparently happy. 

I will be finished with my year of chemo in June.  Lately, every moment that I am not chemo-ed out, I am bat shit crazy with energy.  I want to do everything that I missed out on all year, I don't want to waste a second.  In a few weeks we will leave for our big celebratory Disney vacation.  I'm thinking about having T-shirts made for all of us that say "Our family kicked cancer's ass."  Because we did, as a family.  We are standing on the other side of this, united and stronger then ever.  What an amazing opportunity for our family to reconnect, to tie a big fat Minni Mouse bow at the end of this illness and show my kids that we're okay.  Healthier, happier, and on the right frequency we are ready restart our life.  As I am ending my journey through cancer, another member of my family is beginning theirs.  And although it is their story to tell, it is a reminder to spend every second alive.  Don't waste your time, surround yourself with those that lift you higher and love those who'll let you fiercely.  On that note, Happy Birthday my sweet Zoie girl, you are pure sunshine.