I'm Home.

It finally feels like it's supposed to.  Like I am releasing the pause button and starting where I left off a year ago.  I am living.  Really, living.  Exceptionally, authentically, and so much more aware.  I am in every moment. Present.  I owe that to cancer.

After spending a year in bed, I was over the moon to feel well enough to throw my daughter a birthday party.  I did have to push it back a couple weeks to revolve around my chemo and allow my body to heal a little more from radiation.  But that didn't stop my hot glue gun and I from going all sorts of "Peppa Pig" crazy, spending weeks of late nights hand making all of the decorations.  I loved every second of planning it, completely reveled in it.  I have missed being a mom more then any other thing.  I don't know how many more birthdays I get to spend with my children, I guess none of us do.  I know that I have this one and that alone is cause for celebration.  For the first time, I got to entertain in our "new" home.  I wasn't in pain, I wasn't sick, and I wasn't faking my way through it.  Just transparently happy. 

I will be finished with my year of chemo in June.  Lately, every moment that I am not chemo-ed out, I am bat shit crazy with energy.  I want to do everything that I missed out on all year, I don't want to waste a second.  In a few weeks we will leave for our big celebratory Disney vacation.  I'm thinking about having T-shirts made for all of us that say "Our family kicked cancer's ass."  Because we did, as a family.  We are standing on the other side of this, united and stronger then ever.  What an amazing opportunity for our family to reconnect, to tie a big fat Minni Mouse bow at the end of this illness and show my kids that we're okay.  Healthier, happier, and on the right frequency we are ready restart our life.  As I am ending my journey through cancer, another member of my family is beginning theirs.  And although it is their story to tell, it is a reminder to spend every second alive.  Don't waste your time, surround yourself with those that lift you higher and love those who'll let you fiercely.  On that note, Happy Birthday my sweet Zoie girl, you are pure sunshine.