I love being a girl, I love to look sexy, and I love my hair. I've always been a little chubby and I have never had great skin but I have always had good hair. I am not saying that there isn't beauty in all of this because there is incredible beauty in the spirit and strength of a cancer patient. There is a softness, a stillness and yet a level of bravery that comes from the deepest place within. You can see it, they truly are beautiful. But I want to be pretty. I just do. I make a living making people look good so I know first hand how much of a difference hair can make. It really doesn't matter if everyone tells me I look gorgeous bald, I have to feel it and I know that I wont.
I want to be okay with it, I want to not be so angry. At the root of it all I am just angry. At everything. It's not a "why me" anger but anger because of what this is taking from me. Control is slipping through my fingers and I really need to be in control. I am surrendering to this fully but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it. I am miserable and it feels like I am making people around me miserable too. I wish I could navigate through this flawlessly but I am not, it's a complete test of my character and it seems like I am failing miserably. Just like Alice falling through the rabbit hole, I am grasping at anything and everything that feels familiar. So take your time little strands of mine, I welcome you to stay all long as you wish and maybe just maybe I will be that girl.
Yep Kara you don't feel pretty when this happens. Mine came out first time when I was just sitting and reached up and touched my head. Huge clump and my hair is fine as frog hair anyway. But here's the kicker, they told me I would not lose my hair and one day it just started falling out. I have never had much hair anyway and when I tried on wigs I felt like I was suffocating with so much on my head, so I just went and got it cut spikey and waited. It did not come back in curley and thicker like I had always heard. 8 years later I am still fine as frog hair and straight as a board.
ReplyDeleteNot an easy trip Honey, but the Lord does not give us more than we can bear. I did question the amount of bearing I was given but I made it and so will you. Keep holding on to those you love cause they sure love you. It is hard to beat the shoulder of Sue Harkins to lean on.
Love you all - Molly
You do have gorgeous hair. I would hate to lose it as well. But you know what is one of the best things about you? Your personality. I always have a wonderful time chatting with you. Cancer cannot take that from you. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteYou have lots of prayers and positive vibes from Idaho. I know that you make my sister feel beautiful and I am so jealous that I am too far away to be one of your clients. You have a rough road ahead and I hope you are prepared to receive back the good that you have extended out.
ReplyDeleteKara,
ReplyDeleteI'd be dreading it too as I understand how important long hair can be in helping you feel pretty. But, honestly, you are gorgeous inside & out & will rock a wig like no one's business should you choose to wear one! Imagine, no more bad hair days & more time to sleep in :). Loving all your pics. Hang in sweetie.
Love Mom2
Dont worry mom remember the secret it will help! Remember out by Christmas
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