The best thing that ever happened to me.

As I look at my life at the ripe age of 29, it's easy to spot the things that make me a very fortunate girl.  I was born into a great family, unique and quirky, yet loving and loyal.  I grew up feeling adored, with enough to eat and my mom always made sure I had the latest pair of designer jeans.  I was raised in a small town where I formed lasting friendships, some of which have lasted over 20 years.  I married my best friend and we are still making each other laugh 12 years later.  8 years ago I started a small salon business and have loyal clients that have stuck with me for a decade.  I have 2 beautiful, smart, healthy children and I happily relish the blessings and trials of motherhood.  My husband and I work hard but we are able to pay our bills, and I could still afford the latest pair of designer jeans.  And finally, after years of saving, were able to buy the most perfect little house for our family.  All of these things happened to me, formed me into the person that I am.  But none of them is the best thing.  The best thing that ever happened to me was, cancer.

Hands down.  No contest.  Cancer is the single best thing that ever happened to me.  I'm not trying to be offensive, I know cancer has destroyed lives and for most people cancer is a terrible thing.  For me it's not, it's been a gift.  The reasons why are still unfolding, cancer keeps smaking me with more to be thankful for.  This weekend during a late night talk, my mom helped me see things differently.  I was complaining about losing a year, about how this entire year has been consumed with cancer.  How I let my 10 year old spend almost every single hour of the summer playing video games.  That would have NEVER happened before I got sick.  I felt like I had let him down, this was the first summer he didn't have an activity and since he's quiet and doesn't demand a lot of attention, he didn't get much.  Now don't misunderstand me, Ayden loved every minute of this summer.  His perfect summer probably consists of playing nonstop Minecraft.  If you ask him, it was the best summer of his life.  But video games don't build the kind of character I demand out of my children and I pride myself on being very involved.  The summer didn't go the way I wanted it to, they way I had planned.  Cancer forced it's way in and shook things up, which is exactly what I needed.

 I can't afford the latest pair of designer jeans anymore and even if I could I wouldn't want them.  I've lost my ability to work and instead of panicking, I'm figuring it out.  The cream is rising to the top.  Things aren't hard to prioritize anymore.  I'm getting real with life and I'm not sorry for it.  It just happened.  Instantly.  Life takes precedence over everything.  Over vanity, over money, over houses and definitely over designer jeans.  Life wins.  Every time.  Arguments with my husband, medical bills, messy rooms, shrinking bank accounts, other peoples perception of me, and losing my breasts...are just a few of the things that would have thrown me into a complete tizzy.  Now they don't, at least not they way they used to.  I'm learning where to put my energy and my life is becoming so much more radiant.  I'm not saying it isn't ugly sometimes, it's uncomfortable, and my emotions still get away from me.  And that's okay.  It's actually beautiful.  I stopped being what I thought I had to be and started letting my energy ebb and flow.  My body knows when to cry, it knows when to release the build up of stress, even if that means breaking down in the middle of an eye exam (which totally happened).  So, we lost a summer, but what I gained will be so much more valuable.  When you know better, you do better.  Because of cancer, I know better.      

And to be honest, I'm not really a jean's girl anyway.