This takes guts!

Look, this is not easy for me.  Who wants a bad picture put out there for everyone to see?  Not me!  But the truth is, I am not in my wigs with loads of makeup on most of the time.  5 months of chemo has robbed me of my beauty.  I'm bloated on steroids and have 3 eyelashes to my name.  It's a small price to pay.  Actually, scratch that.  It's a massive price to pay, it's shitty and I couldn't hate it more.  But it is what is.  This is what I look like.  This is who I am today.  It the same person, the packaging just isn't as shiny.

In all of the chaos after my initial diagnosis, I was somehow able to know that I needed to capture what I looked like before the medicine ravished my body.  The day before my first chemo, Brittany blessed me with a photo shoot.  She encouraged me to be sexy and made me feel beautiful.  I had no idea then how valuable those pictures would be.  I've surrounded myself with them.  Not only for me but my husband too.  I want him to see the pretty girl on the wall, not the sick girl below her. (click here for Brittany's page and more pictures from our session)

I am going to share some of them with you, followed by the pictures my mother and husband took of me this past week.  Amazing what a few months can do....

The shrine above my bed, don't judge me.

And after...

People do treat me different.  Men don't flirt or look twice.  There is lots of pity, which isn't my favorite.  It's taking some getting used to.  But the people who matter, the people who really love me...could care freaking less.  It's my hang up.  Shocking, yes.  But my kids don't bat an eye and my husband still grabs my butt when I walk out of the room.  :). It's a process.