People always ask me the same question. How did you find it? So here it is friends. For those of you who would like to know how I found my cancer, here is my story....
Around January of this year I noticed a small marble sized lump in my left breast, I immediately hopped on google and diagnosed myself with a fibroadenoma which is basically just a fancy word for lumpy boobs. Cancer didn't even register, I had read that 80% of all breast lumps were benign, 1.8% of women in their 20's develop breast cancer, and I had just finished breast feeding my daughter for 9 months. So it had to be a pesky harmless cyst, right? I wish. I have always had a good gut, I go with my instincts and trust myself completely. I know what you are thinking, obviously I don't have that great of a gut if I didn't know that there was a massive tumor growing inside my body. The truth is, for a half a second I did entertain the idea of it being breast cancer but as far as I knew women in their 20's didn't get breast cancer...they got other types of cancer but not breast, right? I simply wasn't aware that this was a possibility.
As the months went by my left armpit began to get irritated by my bra, I had felt around and thought maybe my lymph node seemed enlarged. The lump in my breast had definitely gotten larger and the combination of the two had my head spinning. As a recovering drama queen I was careful not to blow it out of proportion. Besides, it cant be cancer. Maybe a large mass that would have to be surgically removed, but not cancer. Then I started to obsess, which by the way is totally normal for me. I was thinking about it a lot, I checked on it every morning, every shower, and every time I got dressed. I made my husband feel it, my mom feel it, my grams feel it, and I even forced a few of my clients to feel it! As much as I wanted to, I couldn't tune it out. (That ol' gut of mine ain't so bad it seems.) So at the end of April in order to end my obsessing and appease my mother (who had been nagging me to have it checked out) I finally made the doctor appointment.
I know it seems silly to put it off for few months but that's exactly what I did. You see, my husband and I had been scrimping and saving for 3 years to buy a new home. I had better things to do, all of my thoughts were tied into paint colors, dishes, and fabrics. We were in the middle of buying this perfect little house and it seemed silly to take time and money away from the house just for a stupid little knot in the boob. Thankfully, the mind is a powerful thing, so at the end of April I went in. My OB/GYN told me that with my age and excellent overall health not to worry about cancer but that I should error on the side of caution I should have a mammogram. So I did.
On May 1st, I went to get my mammogram, alone and in between clients at the salon. I figured they would call me with the results and since they said it would only take a few minutes so I saw no reason to bring support. WRONG. The radiologist came in right after, told me flatly that I had cancer and then walked out. The walls came crashing in around me, a burst of electricity shot down my spine and suddenly I couldn't breathe. The room had no oxygen and I needed to get out of there now. I ran out of that place gasping for air and trying to will it away, I just wanted to undo the last 5 minutes. Somehow roboticly, I made it back to my salon, dumbfounded and by now, hysterically crying. I had a mobile notary waiting for me at my salon so that I could sign my house papers and get my keys, the moment I had been so excited for. It was this intensely surreal experience where two emotionally opposite moments of my life came crashing together. Congratulations on your new house and by the way you have cancer happened in a span 20 minutes. My brain was in overdrive and flat lining all at the same time. "How long do I have left?". "Should I even be buying this house?" "This is supposed to be a happy day!!" "Am I going to lose my hair?" "How the hell am I going to tell my mom?"
And that is the story of the day that my life ended and began all at the same time.
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