Look, this is not easy for me. Who wants a bad picture put out there for everyone to see? Not me! But the truth is, I am not in my wigs with loads of makeup on most of the time. 5 months of chemo has robbed me of my beauty. I'm bloated on steroids and have 3 eyelashes to my name. It's a small price to pay. Actually, scratch that. It's a massive price to pay, it's shitty and I couldn't hate it more. But it is what is. This is what I look like. This is who I am today. It the same person, the packaging just isn't as shiny.
In all of the chaos after my initial diagnosis, I was somehow able to know that I needed to capture what I looked like before the medicine ravished my body. The day before my first chemo, Brittany blessed me with a photo shoot. She encouraged me to be sexy and made me feel beautiful. I had no idea then how valuable those pictures would be. I've surrounded myself with them. Not only for me but my husband too. I want him to see the pretty girl on the wall, not the sick girl below her. (click here for Brittany's page and more pictures from our session)
I am going to share some of them with you, followed by the pictures my mother and husband took of me this past week. Amazing what a few months can do....
So, laying here right now after reading this I'm bawling my eyes out! Today at work my friend and I were talking about liposuction and tummy tucks and breast augmentation, now I'm not one for altering your appearance by going under the knife but recently I have found myself wanting to be skinnier, to get rid of that " Parker pooch" as I've named it after my youngest, and longing to be thin. To feel beautiful again, to not look at myself and wish I could snap my fingers and be that cute skinny model that all those magazines make you want to look like! And then I see you, I read about all the hell you have to go through and how amazing and resilient and gorgeous you are and it makes me appreciate what I do have and realize that I need to embrace who I am inside and out! So BEAUTIFUL Kara I want to say thank you!!!! Thank you for being an inspiration to me!! - jamie smith
ReplyDelete